Comedy Club
by EpicThoth3
Summary: It's a regular episode of Phineas and Ferb! The brothers are watching Sunday Morning Rerun (the cartoon version of SNL) one morning, decide it would be a great idea to put on a similar show, and then give Candace tickets for her one-month anniversary with Jeremy. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz is experiencing a wardrobe crisis, and is stuck in his daughter's ill-fitting outfit.
1. Part 1 - The Beginning

**I felt like doing something special for Easter, so I came up with this - a piece which could genuinely be an episode of Phineas and Ferb. You know, that TV show I have no rights to except as a viewer. It's not Easter-themed, but I hope it'll bring a smile to your face. Besides, I asked the Zapdos to help me with it, and he beta read the whole thing. Moving on, here is part 1. Of 2. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Many things in life are utterly incomprehensible. Therefore, they are full of deep significance."

"Like that _pinch me_ sign on your back?"

"Exactly."

Phineas laughed. It was a bright summer morning, and he and his brother Ferb were watching one of their favorite TV shows: _Sunday Morning Rerun_. In this particular episode, a few of the actors put on a short skit poking fun at the different artists through history.

"I don't get it," said one of the actors. "How come Francis Bacon never painted bacon?"

Now, Phineas turned to Ferb. "Do you like Francis Bacon?" he asked.

"I prefer Jimmy Dean pure pork sausage," replied his green-haired stepbrother, taking another bite of his breakfast - Jimmy Dean pure pork sausage.

Phineas turned his attention back to the TV.

"Who was richer?" lamented another actor. "Johnny Cash, or Claude Monet?"

"Well," replied the first actor. "Cash could spend his money wherever he wanted. Monet could only spend it in Paris."

He pronounced the city _pair-ee._

Then they started wondering why Chinese people rarely painted, only sculpted.

One actor gave his verdict. "They could never get the duck to pose just right," he said. "It was always Peking."

Phineas switched off the TV. "You know, Ferb," he began. "The guys on Sunday Morning Rerun are always making tons of short skits. Why can't we do the same? Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!"

Ferb looked at him blankly.

"We're gonna put on our own version of _Sunday Morning Rerun_," explained Phineas.

Ferb shook his head.

"What? Why not?" asked Phineas.

Ferb shook his head again.

"We just aren't? Why?"

Just then, Isabella walked in.

"Whatcha doin'?" she asked.

"Well," replied Phineas, frustrated. "_I_ want to put on our own version of _Sunday Morning Rerun_-"

Isabella interrupted him. "That show is the best! I love how oblivious the actors are sometimes!"

Ferb looked at her curiously.

"We don't have to do that in our version," Isabella said quickly, knowing it would probably happen anyway.

"As I was saying," continued Phineas. "I want to put on our own version of _Sunday Morning Rerun_, but Ferb keeps shaking his head."

"That's weird," said Isabella. "Where's Perry?"

Exasperated, Ferb threw his arms toward Isabella, staring at Phineas while he did so.

"Ohh," said Phineas in realization. "You were just waiting for me to say that!"

Ferb nodded.

"Now can we get started on our TV show?"

Ferb nodded again.

* * *

Perry, as it turns out, was napping on his bed. His theme began playing on a glockenspiel, slow and soft, like a lullaby.

_Dooby Dooby Doo Bah  
Dooby Dooby Doo Bah_

Perry snored once.

* * *

Candace was talking on her phone.

"Oh, yeah," she was telling Stacey. "I have tons of neighbors. In fact, two different families live right next door to us, and there's only one house."

After a moment's pause, during which Stacey did her talking, Candace continued. "Yeah, there was Thaddeus and Thor, then there was that nice lady who got caught up in the pyramid scheme, and then there's that vacant lot on the other side. And I'm still wondering where Phineas and Ferb found enough land to build that backyard beach. Speaking of Phineas and Ferb..."

Candace sniffed the air once.

"Motor oil," she determined. "Stacey, I'm gonna have to call you back."

Then she hung up, and ran to the window.

"Just what do you think you're doing?!" she screamed at the kids in the backyard.

"We're preparing our very own version of _Sunday Morning Rerun,_" replied Phineas. "Wanna join?"

"I'm telling mom!" she screamed.

"That's great!" said Phineas. "Tell her we're also handing out coupons for a cheese sandwich. That's cheese and sand sculpted into a witch statue." Quickly, he added, "It's not for eating."

Candace grabbed one of the flyers for the show and ran off to the antique shop, leaving the brothers and their friends to build in peace.

Suddenly, Phineas yelled, "Buford! What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall?"

Everyone immediately looked at Buford, who was standing right next to the only wall of their theatre knocked over.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly.

* * *

Now, Perry woke up from his snooze, and slipped his fedora onto his head. He looked around, confirmed that there were no witnesses, then proceeded to leap out of the second story window. A chord struck the moment he landed, and James Bond type music began playing.

Perry jumped into a toy car that was laying around, and pushed the pedal to the floor. The toy car (an old Aston Martin) accelerated too fast. Perry had no time to turn away from the fence. So he flipped open a panel on the dashboard and pressed a button. The headlights retracted, revealing a machine gun, which Perry promptly fired into the wood, creating a hole big enough for him to drive through.

Agent P drove his Aston Martin through the streets, then turned into an alleyway. Suddenly, more toy cars - no doubt a training exercise - appeared behind him, and gave chase. Cool as ever, the platypus instantly knew what to do.

He pushed another button on the dashboard, and oil started flying out the exhaust pipe. The cars chasing him were unable to keep their balance on it, and they all crashed into the walls on either side.

Perry, pleased with the scene behind him, looked forward again, and gasped. In a few short feet, the alleyway narrowed suddenly, so that it wasn't wide enough for the car to go through.

Thinking quickly, Perry swerved towards the small ramp on his left, and, in some impossible driving stunt, two of his wheels went up the ramp, and the other two remained on the ground. All of a sudden, Perry was balancing the entirety of the miniature Aston Martin on its two right wheels, and managed to maneuver into the small alley.

When the alley finally widened again, Perry was balancing on his car's two left wheels, driving into his lair. He pressed the button which activated the ejector seat, flew out of the car, and landed in his typical seat.

Major Monogram's face appeared on the screen in front of him.

"Good morning, Agent P," he said. "I see you took full advantage of the late start you were permitted today."

Perry nodded, then looked at Monogram curiously.

"Oh, this?" said the Major, looking at the one M on his shirt instead of the usual two - which Perry was undoubtedly referring to. "My tailor was lazy. He didn't do the best patchwork on this suit. Sorry about that."

Perry accepted the excuse, and allowed his boss to continue.

"A select few joke books have been inexplicably disappearing from every bookshelf in the Tri-State Area. You know, the joke books with terrible jokes like 'What kind of pig knows karate?'"

Perry looked at Major Monogram for a second, waiting for the punchline.

"Pork chops!" came the answer, between laughs. Then, regaining himself, Major Monogram looked back at the platypus.

"Yeah, those joke books," he said, as if he had never laughed at such a stupid joke. "Frankly, we suspect Doofenshmirtz."

Perry saluted, and began to rocket off in his jetpack.

"Oh, before you leave, Agent P, Agent Q has a few gadgets to help you on this fiendishly difficult mission. He's waiting for you in the tech department."

So instead of flying through the ceiling, Perry the Platypus dutifully walked through the door at the left, and towards the inner workings of the O.W.C.A. building.

"Carl!" the Major yelled.

"Yes, sir," the intern replied.

"Tell me another one of those jokes."

"Okay, sir. Let's see... Oh! Here's a good one! What did the Buddhist tell the hot dog vendor?"

Major Monogram thought about it for a moment. When he couldn't answer, Carl delivered the punchline.

"Make me one with everything!"

Carl and his boss both began laughing uncontrollably.

Around the corner, Perry rolled his eyes. The sense of humor held at O.W.C.A...

* * *

Elsewhere in Danville, people were filing into _Ferb's Funnies_ by the hundreds to see what the signs had been advertising all morning: the _Sunday Morning Rerun Exclusive._

The show was about to begin, and the audience was eagerly waiting for the curtain to rise.

Suddenly, a spotlight shone on the middle of the red curtain, outlining the unusual shadow of a triangle-headed boy.

A voice boomed over the loudspeakers. "Ladies and gentlemen... Boys and girls... Children of all ages... May I present to you a show like nothing you've ever seen before! A new remake of the classic show which has been airing every Sunday since 1975 to avoid competition from Saturday morning cartoons..."

A drumroll sounded, growing louder with each passing second.

"Sunday! Morning! _Rrrrrrreeeerrruuunnnnn_!"

The curtains parted, and the audience cheered so loudly the very foundation of the building shook.

"I'm Phineas Flynn, your self-proclaimed host, and tonight, I'll be guiding you through the many wonders of reality TV, revitalized and re-aired!"

"By the way," said Phineas, "it is a little known fact that it is impossible to ality just once, which is why everyone performs re-ality."

The audience laughed.

"For tonight's opening monologue, we have invited none other than the one and only Ferb Fletcher to speak on the traditional Brit's view of the world. So, without further ado, _Fffeerrrbbb Fletcherrrrrr_!"

Phineas stepped offstage, and a green-haired boy took his place. For a whole minute, he said nothing. Then he adjusted the microphone. Twice. And finally spoke.

"Well, that was Much Ado About Nothing."

In one sentence, the boy had turned the audience hysterical. They were pounding on the tables, crying. One person had fallen onto the floor and couldn't get up because every time he laughed, he collapsed again. In fact, only one person in the entire audience hadn't busted a gut laughing was the nerd in the back corner.

"Am I the only one who got the Shakespeare reference?" he asked himself. "Or am I missing something?"

* * *

"Mom! _Mom_! Mom! MomMomMomMomMomMomMomMom! _Moooommm_!"

Candace was screaming hysterically as she ran to the antique shop where her mother was. She pushed open the door to her parent's business, and ran straight into a body.

Both people fell backwards onto the ground.

"Ow!" the other one screamed.

Candace froze. She could recognize that voice anywhere.

"Candace?" the other person asked.

"Uhh..." Candace groaned. "Hi, Jeremy."

"I was just looking for you!" Jeremy said, standing up and rubbing the back of his head.

Candace helped herself onto her feet. "And I was just looking for– wait, what did you say?"

"It's our one-month anniversary!" said her boyfriend, holding out a wrapped box. "I got this for you."

Candace took the box and opened it. She gasped, and flushed red. Inside was an official signed _Ducky Momo_ collectible snow globe - one of the only things missing from her diverse collection. How did Jeremy...

"Your mom recommended it," Jeremy explained.

Of course it was her mom. "_Moooommm_!" Candace screamed, rushing off to the back room.

"Don't yell, Candace, I'm right here."

"Remember fifth-grade graduation? Don't tell anybody about Ducky Momo or my baby pictures!"

"Fifth grade graduation?" her mother asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Ohh... forget it," said Candace, rushing back into the main room, where Jeremy was patiently waiting.

"Uhh... Jeremy," she confessed, "I, uh, totally forgot to get you a—"

"Hey, you dropped this," Jeremy cut her off, picking up a loose paper that had fallen on the floor. He read the paper, and gasped.

"You got us tickets to _Sunday Morning Rerun_ for our one-month anniversary?" he asked in disbelief. "In your own backyard?! Man, your brothers are the best! C'mon! Hopefully we haven't missed much!"

Instead of confessing the truth to her boyfriend, Candace decided to go with the flow. "Yeah," she said. "Let's go!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the O.W.C.A. tech building, a quail was cawing, and a platypus was trying to make sense of the screeches. Carl had been called to translate, but he couldn't speak fluent Platypus, and Perry, having spent his whole life growing up around humans, didn't speak any Platypus. Apparently, nobody told Carl.

Fortunately, most of the gadgets were pretty easy to figure out. The pen, for example, squirted ink when it was clicked. The jet pack could now double as a shield, since it was completely inator-proof. And finally, the suitcase had many other useful features, such as a long cord that could be propelled from one of the hinges, a grappling hook to add onto the cord, and a can of smoke inside, that would automatically activate if the suitcase was opened wrong.

As Quinlan the Quail showed each of these items to Perry, the platypus was being dressed by other birds in a 1940's Al Capone-like gangster outfit, and by the end, the platypus was wearing a gray suit, had his hat repainted to look gray like a '40s Chicago gangster, and was carrying the multitude of gadgets he now had all over his body. Finally done here, he swung the jetpack over his shoulders and flew off to Doofenshmirtz's headquarters in his cheesy disguise.

* * *

Soon enough, Candace and Jeremy had arrived at the backyard, only to find Irving manning the ticket stand.

"Ahh, Candace," he said. "Welcome to _Ferb's Funnies_. Today: the _Sunday Morning Rerun_ exclusive!"

"Wouldn't you rather be watching the show?" Candace asked.

"Meh, I'm taping it all on the UPAFDS," explained Irving. "I'll watch it later. Now, tickets please."

Jeremy handed Irving the flyer. Irving stamped it, and handed it back.

"Here's your program," he added. "And here is your cheese sandwich coupon. Enjoy the show!"

Candace and Jeremy rushed to their seats just as the curtains re-opened to show Phineas.

"Next up," the self-proclaimed host said, "we have Isabella Garcia-Shapiro putting on her own mock reality show: _Oh, Boys!_"

Candace watched Phineas speak with only the slightest interest, but Jeremy was already hooked.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Phineas continued. "Let's give it up for Isabella Garrrciaaa-Shapirroooo!"

The audience howled for the Fireside girl as she walked on stage.

"Thank you, thank you," she said, secretly hoping that this particular episode would veer off-script. That was the only reason she wrote this.

"Hello and welcome to _Oh, Boys!_: an in-depth look at the side of that special someone _no one_ wants to see."

The audience applauded again. Even Candace's attention was now focused on the stage.

"Oh, Phineas!" Isabella called. "There's no need to leave the stage. You're a part of this show."

Phineas turned around. "Wait, I am?" he asked.

"Yeah!"

"But I don't have a script or anything!"

"You don't need one," Isabella said. "Because you're our guest star!"

Candace gasped. This could be good.

Slowly, Phineas made his way back to center stage. "I thought this was sketch comedy," he said. "Not improv."

"If it were sketch," Isabella replied sweetly, "then you would know what to expect. Personally, I'm hoping that you could introduce me to the rollercoaster of love."

"Wait, there's a rollercoaster around here?" asked Phineas, eagerly looking around. "Where? I don't remember one in the blueprints!"

The audience howled. Even Candace was now gripped.

"Isn't he amazing, folks?" asked Isabella.

The audience cheered again.

"Wait, I don't get it," said Phineas. "What are they cheering about? And _where_ is the rollercoaster?"

"There isn't one," explained Isabella. "I'm just trying to get to first base."

More laughs.

"Okay, now you're being really confusing, Isabella. I thought this was a mock reality TV show, and now you're telling me we're playing baseball?"

Isabella cued a sound effect, and a disappointed ooh played over the loudspeakers.

"A swing and a miss, folks. Anyone here hosting a telethon for Love-Handicapped Preteen Awareness?"

Phineas gasped. "Why are you asking about a telethon? You're not... _handicapped_... are you?" he asked, struggling to recall the ailment Isabella had spoken of.

"Phineas," Isabella said, trying to sound reasonable. "No. I'm not handicapped. I just wish you would—"

Isabella stopped herself, sighed, and began singing.

_Here I am, on live TV  
And still he won't notice me  
He's standing right here  
And still he's so far away..._

_I will do anything  
To become his mighty queen  
And though he's my dear  
He still can't hear what I say..._

_I've made it clear as day..._

_The engineer extraordinaire  
Still can't hear my heart's despair  
So please send down from up above  
A formula for love..._

_Fill in numbers, solve for 'X'  
Calculate the other sex  
Write it out and plug it in  
Though it's one-dimensional, I'd call it a win_

_What's the angle of your lips?  
Find the sine for helpful tips  
Plot it on a coordinate plane  
Pascal's love triangle will then show you the game_

_The engineer extraordinaire  
Still can't hear my heart's despair  
So please send down from up above  
A formula for love..._

_They should teach this in chemistry  
I passed that class with a solid 'B'  
But I need help from up above  
I need a formula for love..._

Phineas looked at Isabella curiously. "I don't get it," he said, flabbergasted.

The audience laughed.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the one and only _Phineas Flynn_!" announced Isabella loudly. "Is there anyone on earth like him?"

A thunderous applause came from the audience.

Turning to Phineas, she said, "That's it. You can go now. You were absolutely remarkable. I've never seen anything like it!"

_Except every day ever,_ she added silently.

"Huh?" asked Phineas. "Wait. I don't get it. What did I even do?"

"Unfortunately," replied Isabella, "you did exactly what was expected of you." Then, turning to the audience, she said, "Personally, I was hoping some improv would be involved. Am I right, folks?"

Candace and Jeremy murmured agreement, and the rest of the audience with them.

Finally, Isabella turned to leave the stage. "Oh, boys," she said as the curtain closed.

After a moment of silence, the audience cheered.

* * *

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!_

Perry flew in low over the balcony of the purple building, and–

The O.W.C.A., in all their excitement, forgot to fill the tank of the jetpack. There was only enough left in it for a test flight. Now, it was empty, and Perry began falling to his doom.

The platypus recovered quickly, finding the grappling hook on the hinge of his suitcase, and activating a cord.

The grappling hook flew onto the balcony, and stuck firmly. Perry hoisted himself up. He then calmly walked into the penthouse, straight up to Doofenshmirtz.

The evil scientist turned around.

"Wha–" he said, upon seeing the disguised Perry. "Al Capone? _YES_! I knew I would get promoted sometime soon! I knew it I knew it I knew it!"

Perry choked back a laugh, although it was incredibly hard not to.

But Doofenshmirtz started doing a crazy promotion dance, and the secret agent could hold it back no longer. He doubled over laughing, clutching his sides. As crazily dressed as he was, Doofenshmirtz's outfit was even worse.

Doofenshmirtz heard the laughter, and stopped dancing. "Hey!" he said. "It's not funny! The dry cleaners lost all of my lab coats, so I had to go into my daughter's wardrobe to get any clothes! I'm desperate, man!"

Indeed, the scientist was desperate, for he was wearing his teenage daughter's gothic outfit, which was too small for him, tailored all wrong, and looked utterly ridiculous. It took all of Perry's effort to stop laughing, and even then, he was still chuckling somewhat.

"You know," said Doofenshmirtz, "I should really zap you with my not-funny-inator, but seeing as I'm about to get a promotion, I won't. So consider yourself lucky, Mr. _All-Alone_."

Doofenshmirtz laughed. "Ha! You see what I did there! I made a pun with your name. Pretty–" he paused for effect. "–_punny_, right?"

Then he noticed that Perry had taken his disguise off, and was only wearing the hat.

" Heyyy... you're not Al Capone."

Perry rolled his eyes.

"You must be Al Capone's nemesis! I didn't know his nemesis was a platypus. That is so cool! My nemesis is a platypus, too! I wonder where he is... it's not like him to be so late..."

Perry took off his hat and blew hard. All the paint flew off it, restoring the hat to its typical brown color. He then put it back on.

Doofenshmirtz gasped. "Perry the Platypus?!"

He fumbled around his outfit, looking for his remote. "I can never remember where all the pockets are on this thing," he mumbled. "Now, let's see... _ah_! Here it is!"

He pulled a remote out of his pocket and pressed the button. Out of nowhere, a metal arm grabbed Perry and stuffed him headfirst into a black, gothic shoe.

"Don't worry, Perry the Platypus," comforted Doofenshmirtz, "you're all 'right' now."

The evil scientist erupted in laughter. "Hahahaa! Get it, Perry the Platypus? Because you're trapped in a..." Doofenshmirtz slowly trailed off. "right... shoe... Anyways, where were we? Ah, yes. Backstory. As I'm sure you have already experienced, it's very hard to look at me in this outfit and not laugh, even though it's not actually funny. People should really pity me for this, but after that whole incident, I've decided not to do that again. So I built the Not-Funny-Inator!"

Doofenshmirtz gestured to the middle of his apartment, where smoke started pouring out of cracks in the ceiling. Dramatically, a hole opened in the floor, and the shadow of an inator, visible through the fog, started rising on a podium. The inator itself looked pretty menacing - a handheld device with a square holster, a bunch of rings around it to make it look like a laser gun, and a front end which suddenly narrowed to an almost menacing point.

Then the smoke cleared, revealing it to be just a plush doll of a platypus, propped up on its tail, with pins sticking out of it in certain places.

Doofenshmirtz's eyes widened. He rushed to the doll, picked it up, and hid it away, hoping that Perry hadn't seen anything.

"Um, that was, umm..., well, it wasn't voodoo, Perry the Platypus, I can tell you that. Voodoo is actually frowned upon in Drusselstinian culture. What we actually do is a ritual called _Ledermachen_, which is where you pull the pins out of a plush doll instead of sticking them in, because, uhh..." Doofenshmirtz searched for an appropriate analogy. "You know how it hurts more to peel off a bandaid than it does getting the cut in the first place? Same idea."

Perry rolled his eyes, clamping his mouth shut so as not to laugh.

"You know," said Doofenshmirtz, "I think you will be the first person I shoot with my Not-Funny-Inator. Just as soon as I find it..."

The evil scientist bent over, scouring every inch if his apartment for his inator. Agent P sighed.

Suddenly, he leapt up. "Darn it!" he screamed, having just realized an important fact. "Now I'm not getting my promotion!"

* * *

**Well, that ends part 1. Now, if you need to see how this ends, you could always read part 2, aka the next chapter.**


	2. Part 2 - The Ending

**You know what? Why don't you just start reading? Pick up from where you left off.**

* * *

Meanwhile, at_ Ferb's Funnies_, Buford was showcasing his ability to speak in an intense voiceover over the loudspeakers.

"Many have heard of the heroic exploits of Captain Obvious. Master of sarcasm, he has saved the world countless times by stating what we already know to be true, but were too dumb to realize. What people don't know is that his twin brother has a typo on his birth certificate.

"Originally named Captain Obvious II, doctors confused the two Roman numerals for a lowercase L and a capital i, thus creating Captain Obvious's arch nemesis, Captain Oblivious." The curtains rose, and two people could be seen standing on pedestals. The first was Baljeet, dressed up as Captain America, except that instead of a big A on his shirt and hat, it was an O instead. His shield was also painted in much the same way.

On the second pedestal stood Phineas, wearing the same exact costume as Baljeet, the only difference being his color choice of green, black, and orange as opposed to Baljeet's red, white, and blue.

Between the two, sitting on a chair, was Isabella.

Baljeet spoke first. To Isabella, he said, "Captain Oblivious has kidnapped you, but he forgot to tie you up, place a guard, or lock the door. You can walk out scot-free without being noticed."

Isabella turned to the Indian boy. "I know that!" she snapped.

"Or do you?" Phineas said. "Look around, Izzy, there's a place to run, but you can't find it. It's nowhere to be seen; your mind is too oblivious."

"You're right," replied Isabella. "Or are you? I'm not sure what to make of your mind-bending powers..."

"This in spite of the shining open door right in front of you," said Baljeet. "Just walk through it - there is no way anyone could possibly stop you."

"Or maybe you just don't see the people hiding behind the door," retorted Phineas.

Baljeet walked up to the glowing door, and poked his head through it. He looked left, then right, then left again.

"There is nobody there, Isabella," he said. "Just walk out of here or Captain Oblivious will kidnap you!"

"I should, shouldn't I?" asked Isabella, standing up, as if to leave.

But Phineas spoke first. "Or should you?" he said dramatically. "You see, Izzy, -"

He cut himself off. "Izzy?!" he asked incredulously. "_Izzy_?! Why am I calling you Izzy? Are you like a brand of fruit soda?!"

_Uh-oh_, thought Isabella. _He's going off-script. I'll have to think quickly. And I was sooo getting used to him calling me Izzy, too! So cute, so dreamy, so..._

At this point, Phineas realized his error, but it was too late. "Well, are you?!" he asked again - the essence of improv.

"Umm, no," Isabella replied, sounding only half-sure. "I'm not a brand of fruit soda."

"Are you sure?" questioned Phineas intensely. "How do you know fruit sodas don't look like humans, and experience emotions, language, and free will?"

"Fruit sodas don't look like humans, and experience emotions, language, and free will," said Captain Obvious, catching on and ad-libbing his own line.

"Then why am I calling her Izzy?" retorted Captain Oblivious. "If she's not a brand of fruit soda?"

"Izzy is a nickname," Baljeet fired back. "Her real name is Isabella."

"Are you sure?" asked Phineas, even more intensely. "Maybe Izzy's her real name. And Isabella's her nickname. Which means she _is_ a brand of fruit soda."

Baljeet pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.

"Birth certificate," he read. "Garcia-Shapiro, Isabella."

"Aye, so Isabella is neither her first name nor her nickname?"

"Allow me to rephrase: Surname: Garcia-Shapiro. First name: Isabella."

"What if the birth certificate has a typo on it?" said Phineas, starting to feign crying to increase the drama. "What if she's like me?! What then, Captain Obvious?! What then?"

"Obviously," answered Baljeet, "she would become her twin brother's arch nemesis, like you."

"Or will she? What if her twin brother is _her_ arch nemesis?"

"People can be arch nemesi of each other."

"Or can they? You're not my arch nemesis."

"I'm not?"

"Or are you?"

"I think I am."

"But maybe you're not. Maybe I hate Miss Fruit Soda more than you."

"ENOUGH!" Isabella screamed, breaking up the unscripted argument. "If you two aren't going to stick to the script, then I'm out of here!"

With that, she stood up, and stomped through the glowing door and offstage.

The audience roared.

* * *

"Aha!" yelled Doofenshmirtz. "I found it!"

He held up a black leather glove.

"I know what you're thinking, Perry the Platypus: it's my daughter Vanessa's glove, but, as I already explained, I'm experiencing a wardrobe shortage. Believe me, it's actually the inator. Watch."

He pointed the fingers of the glove at the shoe Perry was trapped in, and squeezed the thumb. A green ray shot from the opening of the glove and hit Doofenshmirtz in the head.

"Ow! Ow! Ow!" the scientist yelled. "That is _so_ not funny! I totally forgot it fired that way! Which is _not_ funny, Perry the Platypus, you hear me? _Not_. _Funny_. And not just because I got hit with the not-funny-inator. Uh, Perry the Platypus?"

At that last sentence, he noticed the boot Agent P should have been trapped in was empty, and now was wondering where the monotreme could be.

He felt a tug on his lab coat, and looked down to his left. There was nothing there, so Doofenshmirtz looked to his right. That's where the secret agent was.

"Hey, Perry the Platypus, that is _not_ funny. And not just because I got hit with the not-funny-inator. I fall for that trick every single time, and I'm growing tired of it. Speaking of which, I'm growing tired of you!"

He pointed the open end of the glove at the platypus, and squeezed the thumb again. This time, the beam shot out if the fingers and hit him in the face.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! That is _not_ funny, Perry the Platypus. I don't know _why_ it fired that way. There's something wrong with it. Here, let me reset it, and then we'll have our daily duel. Okay?"

The secret agent thought about it for a moment, and then stepped back.

"Thank you, Perry the Platypus," said Doofenshmirtz, slapping himself across the face with the inator. He then shook it roughly, and set it down on the podium to wait for it to reboot.

Knowing it might be a while, the evil scientist decided to strike up a conversation.

"Sooo, Perry the Platypus, mind telling me how you escaped that trap? Vanessa's goth leather has been hardened solid from all those scrapyard raids. Here, look."

He knocked on his own outfit, and sure enough, a metallic sound resounded through the apartment.

In response, Perry handed Doofenshmirtz a card, which he promptly read.

"A platypus's beak doubles as a shoe horn?" he asked. "Huh. Who woulda known?"

Suddenly, the not-funny-inator dinged.

"Oh! It's ready!" said Doofenshmirtz, hopping up to grab the glove.

"Now, let's see if this thing works properly."

He walked up to the balcony, and squeezed the thumb. A random beam shot off of it to some unknown destination, exactly as the scientist had planned.

"_Ooh_! It works!"

He barely had time to finish the sentence when the awesome power of a semi-aquatic mammal jump-kicked him onto the floor.

"Hey! No fair! I was just testing it!"

But Doofenshmirtz would have to deal with this injustice, because Perry quickly confiscated the glove from him and poured some laundry detergent on it.

Instantly, the rigid glove drooped into some linen gothic handwear, and some electric gears inside short-circuited and fell out. With this improved glove, Perry slapped Doofenshmirtz across the face, and leapt off the balcony.

"Wow," lamented Doofenshmirtz, "I should really do some more laundry."

It was then he realized what had just happened "Hey, that's not funny!" the evil scientist yelled. "And not just because I got hit with the not-funny-inator!"

Then, standing up, he ran to the edge of the balcony, and waved a fist dramatically over the edge.

"Curse you Perry the Platypus!"

* * *

Candace and Jeremy were still enthralled in Phineas and Ferb's version of _Sunday Morning Rerun_. They had just finished watching a skit about a boy who knew everything there was to know, but had no common sense. He didn't even notice when he was falling off a cliff!

Fittingly, then, Phineas had been cast as that boy.

However, the Candace's uproarious laughter was interrupted by the sound of a car honking.

She jumped. "Mom," she said, realizing who it was. Then, grabbing her boyfriend by the hand, she said, "Jeremy, we gotta go."

And she dragged the blond out of _Ferb's Funnies_ to try and bust her brothers.

Phineas, as the self-proclaimed host, walked back onstage to introduce the final skit.

"Next up," he said, as a drumroll began playing. "A show funnier than anything broadcasted yet today, bigger than the missing skyscraper we built earlier this week, and badder than a gorilla with a machine gun..."

"Great analogy, huh?" he asked the audience, interrupting himself.

Mild laughter.

"Prepare to more amazed then when you solved that corn maze, more surprised then when your friends held you a surprise party, and more bedazzled then when your sister hit you with that sparkle gun."

The audience held its breath in suspense.

"But first, a few one-liners that I want to try."

The audience let out its breath at the same time as a mysterious green ray hit the entire crowd watching the show.

"What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?" Phineas asked.

For the first time all day, the audience was silent, and the crickets could be heard chirping.

"Boo!" one audience member screamed.

"This sucks!" yelled another.

"That was the worst joke ever!" shouted a third.

"This is the worst _show_ ever!" replied a fourth.

"These jokes suck!" exclaimed a fifth.

"They are _so_ not funny!" complained a sixth.

"And not just because we got hit with the not-funny-inator!"

"Hey guys!" screamed the first one again.

"What?" the entire audience screamed back in unison.

"We should all show this triangle-headed kid and his buddies a piece of our mind!" yelled the first audience member.

"Yeah!" replied the other two hundred at the show, again in unison.

"Let's all take a piece of the building down and walk off with it!"

"Yeah!"

"Mob mentality rules!"

"Yeah!"

* * *

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" Candace screamed, dragging Jeremy out front to where her mother had just pulled up. "You gotta come to the backyard quick! Phineas and Ferb are hosting _Sunday Morning Rerun_!"

"Goody," said Linda, picturing a childish, kindergarten-level skit. "Finally, something that makes sense. Here, help me get this pentapod through the front door and to the back so I can film this on camera."

"Wait, you believe me?" Candace asked.

"Of course!" said Linda. "I think it'll be so cute! I wonder what kind of jokes they came up with."

"Who are you and what have you done with my mom?" Candace said quickly, suspiciously.

Linda laughed. "Isabella told me all about it earlier today. She even gave me a coupon for a cheese sandwich. I can't wait for them to start. Won't it be cute, Candace?"

"_Cute_?" screamed Candace, finally understanding what her mom was picturing. "No no no! This is all big and professional and bustworthy! Now, come quick!"

"Uh, excuse me, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher," Jeremy cut in. "What's a pentapod?"

"It's a tripod with five legs," she explained, pulling it out of the trunk. "Now, can I have some help wheeling it out to the screen door in back?"

"Okay, okay," said Candace, forcibly taking the pentapod from her mother's hands and dragging it out back with superhuman speed. "C'mon! Let's go! Phineas and Ferb, you are _sooo_ busted this time."

Eons later, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher arrived at the back door, and confronted an empty yard, occupied only by Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet, Buford, and Irving.

"Hi, kids!" she said, opening the door.

"Hi, mom!" Phineas answered, waving back.

"Were you going to show me this _Sunday Morning Rerun_ show you were putting on?"

"Sorry, mom, you missed it!" exclaimed Phineas. "It's Sunday afternoon now, and we can't rerun it until next Sunday morning!"

Linda laughed. "Well, I'm sorry I couldn't make it, boys."

Candace growled. "No, no, no! This can't be happening!"

Jeremy put his arm around her. "Hey, you've still given me the best one-month anniversary present a guy could ever ask for."

"Hehehe," Candace laughed.

* * *

"Oh, there you are, Perry," Phineas said, noticing his pet's return.

The platypus chattered.

"So, mob mentality, huh?" he asked his friends.

"Yeah," replied Isabella. "The Fireside girl manual says it is one of the most dangerous mentalities out there today."

"I can't believe it," continued Irving. "One of them even took my cheese sandwich from right under my nose! I was just about to eat it, too."

"You know that it's not for eating, right?" asked Phineas.

"No, this one was," explained Irving. "That was my lunch. The ones the coupons were for were all in the storage closet behind me. They all disappeared, too."

"Ohh."

"Well," said Buford, headed for the fence gate. "See ya tomorrow."

"Yeah," echoed Baljeet, Irving, and Isabella, also walking out the fence gate. "Bye, Phineas!"

They filed out quickly, leaving behind only the redhead and his stepbrother in the backyard.

"One thing I'm not clear on," said Phineas, after the silence had gone on long enough. "Why was I always the guy who didn't notice anything?"

"Oh, didn't you know?" the Brit answered. "Isabella wrote all the scripts."

* * *

**There. Finished. Did you smile? Did you laugh? Please let me know. It's real easy; all you have to do is type a few characters in that word box down there.**


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